Englischprofis? Kann mir jmd helfen?

Bildung & Beruf Schule
#1

Hallo Leute,

muss eine Personenvorstellung in Englisch machen. Habe schon alles ausgearbeitet und wollte nur mal fragen, ob jemand mal drüber schauen kann, ob alles stimmt oder mir Hinweise geben kann was ich vllt. noch verbessern sollte.

Vielen Dank im voraus!!

  • Hello everybody,
  • Today I´d like to introduce Patrick Siewert
  • Patrick was born on the 12th of August 1994 and he is 21 years old
  • He lives in Leipzig, but he isn´t living at his parents, because he has an own flat
  • Patrick has got a older brother
  • His mum is 52 years old and works as a industrial clerk and his dad is also 52 years old and works as eletrician
  • Actually, Patrick is still single
  • Now I talk about patrciks school career
  • He attended the primary school „135. Grundschule“ in Dresden
  • After that he attended the secondary school „138. Mittelschule“ in Dresden
  • Then he decided to attend the vacational school for economy in Dresden, which he finished with the A level.
  • His intensive courses were German and economics, but his favourite subject was physical education.
  • It has always been his dream to work as a bank clerk, respectively do a traineeship
  • So he decided to do a traineeship at the bank institution „Post Bank“ for 2,5 years
  • The traineeship started on 1 of septembre
  • Currently Patrick works in a „Post Bank“ branch in Halle
  • He tries together with 7 other trainees to realise is dream to successfully pass the traineeship
  • Now I tell you something about patricks hobbies and spare time activities
  • He likes to watch TV and play PC
  • He also likes visiting friends and talking about this and that
  • When the weather is bad, he reads books and at the weekends he sometimes go to the cinema.
  • He likes listening to pop-music.
  • While listening to pop- music, he can get everthing of his chest
  • One of his hobbies is also playing football
  • Patrick is interested in traveling and politics
#2

Hallo,

verstehe ich das richtig, das ist eine mündliche Aufgabe? Ich ignoriere '(wenige) Rechtschreibfehler und Zeichensetzung, okay?

… Patrick has his own flat … OR: Patrick has a flat of his own.

Patrick has an older brother. („has got“ ist Umgangssprache und in einer offiziellen Vorstellung nicht angebracht, wenn du jemand in der Kneipe deinen Freunden vorstellst, wäre es ok)

His mother (dasselbe, „mum“ ist Umgangssprache) and she works as an industrial clerk.
His dad is also … and works as an electrician.

Now I would like to talk about Patrick’s schooling.

He attended primary school at "135 …
After xx years (4 or 5 or 6 - depends on the school system in Sachsen, I have no idea) he moved on to … (ich würde das so umformulieren, um die Wiederholung zu vermeiden)
… finished with A-levels. (eigentlich sind A oder 0 levels nicht direkt zu übertragen, ich würde den deutschen Schulabschluss erwähnen: which he finished after 12 years with the „Fachabitur“)
His majors were German and …

It was always his dream …

… a traineeship a the „Post Bank“ oder: He was accepted for a traineeship at the PB

His training started on 1 September (this year?)

Together with 7 other trainees he aims (tries ist so schwach :wink: ) to realise …

I would also like to speak to you about Patrick’s hobbies …

… and play computer games.

and at weekends he sometimes goes to the cinema

While listening to … he relaxes and forgets his problems (getting s.th. of the chest kann man benutzen, wenn man jemandem ein konkretes Problem erzählt)

Patrick is interested in travelling and politics (du benutzt oben „mum“ = British English (AE wäre „mom“), dann musst du hier das L in travelling verdoppeln, BE Regeln; bei AE Regeln wäre traveling mit einem L richtig)

Cheers,

Siboniwe

#3

Hallo,

vielen vielen Dank! Habe deine Ratschläge und Verbesserungen angenommen und meine Text überarbeitet. könntest du nur nochmal drüber schauen, ob jetzt alles stimmt?
Bin mir auch noch nicht sicher mit dem Satz, dass er am 1. Sep die Ausbildung begonnen hat. Muss da noch ein „the“ hin?
Und richtig erkannt ist eine mündliche Aufgabe :smiley:

  • Hello everybody,
  • Today I´d like to introduce ********
  • Patrick was born on the 12th of August 1994 and he is 21 years old
  • He lives in Leipzig, but he isn´t living at his parents, because he has his own flat
  • Patrick has an older brother
  • His mother is 52 years old and works as an industrial clerk and his dad is also 52 years old and works an eletrician
  • Actually, Patrick is still single
  • Now I would like to talk about patrciks schooling
  • He attended the primary school at „**. Grundschule“ in Dresden
  • He moved on to the secondary school „**. Mittelschule“ in Dresden
  • Then he decided to attend the vacational school for economy in Dresden, which he finished with A-levels.
  • His majors were German and economics, but his favourite subject was physical education.
  • It was always his dream to work as a bank clerk, respectively do a traineeship
  • So he decided to do a traineeship at the bank institution „PB“ for 2,5 years
  • His training started on 1 september this year
  • Currently Patrick works in a „PB“ branch in Halle
  • Together with 7 other trainees he aims to realise is dream to successfully pass the traineeship
  • Now I would also like to speak about patricks hobbies and spare time activities
  • He likes to watch TV and play computer games
  • He also likes visiting friends and talking about this and that
  • When the weather is bad, he reads books and at the weekends he sometimes goes to the cinema.
  • He likes listening to pop-music.
  • While listening to pop- music, he relaxes and forgets his problems
  • One of his hobbies is also playing football
  • Patrick is interested in travelling and politics
#4

Hallo Antitofuesser1,

gern geschehen.

„1 September 2015“ ist eine mögliche British English Schreibweise des Datums. Gesprochen wird es aber: First of September 2015. Es kommt also drauf an, ob du das schriftlich einreichen willst oder ob du es nur mündlich ablieferst. September wird natürlich auf jeden Fall großgeschrieben.

Falls du es schriftlich abgibst, mach hinter jedem Satz einen Punkt.

Das geht in Ordnung. Es klingt ein bisschen eleganter, wenn du sagen würdest:
„He lives in Leipzig but not with his parents. He stays in a flat of his own.“

Nur ein Vertippsler bei Patrick.

vocational school for economics

Das war nur meine Abkürzung in den Korrekturen, du schreibst/sagst natürlich Postbank.

his dream
Man kann einen Test bestehen (to pass a test), aber keine Lehrlingszeit.
He aims to complete his training successfully.

he can relax and forget his problems

besser: … and talking about all sorts of things

Grüße
Siboniwe