Korrekturlesen zweier Romanpassagen

Hallo zusammen.

Hier sind wieder Passagen aus meiner Rohübersetzung eines eigenen Fantasy-Romans. Die Ich-Figur ist eine 18jährige paranormale CIA-Agentin. Die —Striche zeigen eine telepathische Kommunikation an. Ich bitte um Hinweise auf stilistische oder vokabulare Verbesserungen. Danke.

(…)

I decide to postpone the subject, close my eyes and purse my lips,
feeling immediately Selena´s hands on my buttocks and her warm lips on mine.
The ardor of her kiss sets my brain on fire…
In panic I jerk back.
„By the ass of Lady Gaga,“ I gasp out. „Wanna kill me?“
Grinning she pulls me closer again.
„You´re a novice in my world but you´ll quickly learn how to handle such energies. For who—“
She twinkles what looks strange with her white eyes.
„—could handle such energies better than you?“
What´s that to mean? Well, I´m paranormally gifted but surely not in a
way that raises me above a demon of such a calibre as her´s. Just this she
seems to have intimated. It makes me none the wiser that she resists entirely
my telepathic bugging operations.
Then my lust regains the upper hand.
„Please, please,“ I purr, „you´re welcome to continue but
shift down for two gears.“
Instead of answering she steps back and starts a strip. First she gets
rid of her booties, then drops her skintight pants, leaving her below
completely naked. The way she´s standing now with her black top, her silvery
bangled arms, her long mane and her dense black bush, that´s more than I can
hold out. She´s attracting me like Earth attracts a downfalling satellite. Now
I note that my sense of smell has refined. Above all, the vaginal and anal
smells… they explode like grenades in my nose, increasing my desire for sex
above all limits.
I concentrate on Selena´s hand at the entrance of my pleasure hole. A
pulsing energy flows into my abdomen and ascends like a fire pillar to my
brain. At once my mind detonates in a universe of weird colors and patterns
similar to those I had seen during my clinical death. Simultaneously I hear a
groaning and whimpering from somewhere in outer space that must be my own.

(…)

Hence I´ve to play my exclusive demon joker.
—What should I do?—
—There´s only one option left—, Selena thinks, of course following the
fight. —The log-in. But wait till he´s close enough to you.—
—Close enough?—
—Let him rape you and then do for him.—
—Hey steady…—
—Heed me. Doing him in as with Itchy isn´t possible in a simulation.—
I roll my eyes and focus on Julian.
„Wanna rape me now?“ I grumble.
He rubs his erection.
„What an unpleasant word.“
He sits again beside me.
„You´re right,“ I say. „I would be silly not to take this chance for a hot screw. Why don´t you lose my bonds, so I could show you how good my fingers are.“
„Yeah, quite!“
Julian grins and smacks the back of his hand cross my face. Blood shoots
out of my nose.
„So good are my fingers,“ he says smoothly. „No, you
remain nicely strapped in. We´re expecting violent turbulences, you see. But
you´ve another choice: would you prefer listening to Bach…“
His fingers whirl cross an imaginary keyboard.
„… or to Muse?“
He plays an air guitar chord.
Warm blood runs down my lips.
„Neither nor, man. I´m just in the mood for Marylin Manson.“
„He isn´t…“ Julian points at the CD rack. „… represented here.“
„Well, then Bach, man.“
„Superb. A true connoisseuse.“
He puts a CD in which he had prepared during my unconsciousness, and
starts gesticulating like a conductor. Instantly and with earsplitting loudness
the ´Toccata and Fugue´ rings out.
„A version by Jean Guillou from 1968,“ Julians shouts into the
noise. I will surely fare like Alex-Boy did in ´Clockwork Orange´, it´s just
that the Toccata is affected and not Ludwig´s Ninth, what is yet the least of
my worries.
„Turn it down!“ I exclaim since I need maximal concentration
for the log-in. „Don´t you want to hear my moans?“
There´s nothing to beat a good argument, so he doesn´t think about it a
lot but reduces the volume. Then he lies on me and jerkily penetrates me. I´m
naturally anything but wet but can´t resist the pressure. It hurts like I´ve
feared.
Julian pokes faster and faster, beginning to groan like an idiot.
—That´s the right moment—, Selena thinks.—Log in!—
Grinding my teeth I get into visual contact to Julian what is easy
because he is permanently staring at my face. I revolve about his pupils, using
them —as Selena puts it— as ´mental objects´ in order to merge with them.
I center my awareness upon these objects.
Everything else fades into meaninglessness.
I strengthen my concentration up to the climax.
For some seconds there exist only these pupils.
Bingo…
I see myself lying beneath me… I´m looking now through Julian´s eyes.
Even more: I´m identical with Julian´s figure and I´m just raping myself. Like
a goddamn tsunami I get overflooded with pleasure feelings from my virtual
penis.
If I would fight this now, any control of the figure would be
impossible. Hence I identify as much as possible with this rapture.
Nevertheless I mustn´t waste time but have to make Julian unfit for fighting
for some seconds.
So I bite strongly into my, that is, his tongue…
… and retreat immediately into my own virtual body.
Above me, Julian´s face distorts to a howling grimace.
—Tear the bonds!—, Selena radios with vigor. —You can.—
The concentration must have multiplied my strength because I easily rip
the strips round my wrists and feet. Then I hit out at Julian´s face with my
fists. The drumfire shatters his nose, breaks two teeth und crushes one eye.
Blooding and groaning he tumbles from me and falls on the floor.
His dong is yet still erected.
I look chop-chop around for something like a weapon but nada and niente,
I have to do for Julian by hand and feet. So I jump towards him and blast a
series of kicks against his head that would have bumped
off each figure I have yet been confronted with.
However, not Julian.
He grabs his hard-on and shakely
directs it at me.
There´s a sound like a shot…
I feel a burning pang in my left shoulder…
That is brainsick… he has shot with his dong at me…
Swaying I feel my left arm getting lame…
Again Julian trains his gun on me and fires…
Like lightning I get out of the way…
The bullet —it´s actually a gun bullet— sails past me and penetrates the
door behind me. Before Julian´s able to reload I´m over him and kick into his
bollocks.
Again he howls, again a shot goes off but hits the wall behind him. I
jump up, push myself with my fit arm off the
ceiling and ram my heels into his ribs.
Spitting blood and almost as blind as a mole he makes a grab for my
legs.
Again I jump up to the ceiling and push
myself off downwards.
There´s an ugly crack as Julian´s skull breaks under my feet.
—Rule No.1—, Selena radios. —Whatever you do, do it carefully.—
With all my force I hammer my heel into the deformed skull.
The brain splashes out like the interior of a tomato.