Letter of Motivation für Uni

Hallo Leute,

für mein Auslandssemester in Australien brauche ich ein Motivationsschreiben. Ich habe soweis eins verfasst, wäre euch sehr dankbar wenn ihr es kritisch beurteilen könntet.

Dear Sir or Madam,

The reason for this letter of motivation is to convince you of my ability and my wish to study at the ++++ University, Queensland.

Born 22 years ago in Baku, Azerbaijan, I immigrated with my family to Germany at the age of twelve. Grown up in a Russian-speking home surrounded by a German environment I had the great luck to benefit from two cultures and to develop a sophisticated point of view.

Due to my move from Azerbaijan to Germany, I discovered that I can deal the difficulties and challenges that await me in the new country very good. So I have learned the language within a short time and I was quickly integrated into society.

Presently I am studying Economics at my fifth semester. I am especially interested in the areas like Marketing, Management and Entrepreneurship.

In my last semester I had the chance enroll in the subject E-commerce, which coined my personality and my interests. I and my four fellow students worked together with Adidas. Our job was to think up a marketing campaign for the future Paralympics and spread the idea with viral marketing. We have completed the task very well, we also won the competition among the other 15 teams in the university and we were invited to the head quarters of Adidas, where two of us were able to present our work and our campaign. I enjoyed this great time and I have learned to share different tasks with my partners.

Besides of studying I was an active member of the world’s largest international student organization, AIESEC. I have worked for the Incoming-Exchange-Team. My main task was to supervise foreign interns who completed an internship in Nuremberg. I organized internships, contacted companies, did the bureaucratic work, searched suitable housing and planed the cultural program during the stay.
I not only learned much English over this time period by speaking with international students but I got to know young people and their cultures from different countries and continents. It made very much fun to work with them.

For over two years I am an entrepreneur. I run successfully an online shop with hairpieces.
This work enabled me to deepen and to expand all the knowledge acquired in the university. My major tasks are to determine the assortment, to inspect the goods receipt, to place the goods in the shop and to care about the customers.
With it I have discovered such abilities as extraordinary economic understanding and high durability. Sometimes I have worked seven days a week and up to 15 hours a day and that does not bother me, because I run my business with great passion and devotion. By my work I have managed to understand the relationship between practice and theory from economics pretty well.

Even before the beginning of my study I dreamed of living and studying a certain period of time abroad because I wanted not only to get economical qualification but also interpersonal skills. Due to my interests in the English literature and the Anglo-Saxon lifestyle, particularly the multicultural society, Australia with its history and the current situation meets all of these demands.

Trying to find a university, where I can deepen my economical knowledge and could take similar subjects as at the ++±University, I found the +++ University – a highly esteemed University, which offers all the relevant courses of my future study like strategic management, market research and analysis and managing projects.
At the +++ University, I would like to build an extensive network, which provides me with new and interesting friendships with national and international students.

Lastly I would like to say, that I am highly motivated to engage myself and to study at the +++ University, to live in Queensland and to get to know the Australian people.
Therefore I would be very proud and happy to be a representative of my university at your prestigious University.

Yours sincerely,

Hallo,

Dear Sir or Madam,

The reason for this letter of motivation is to convince you of
my ability and my wish to study at the ++++ University,
Queensland.

Born 22 years ago in Baku, Azerbaijan, I immigrated with my
family to Germany at the age of twelve. Grown up in a
Russian-speking home surrounded by a German environment I had
the great luck to benefit from two cultures and to develop a
sophisticated point of view.

  • Russian speaking

Due to my move from Azerbaijan to Germany, I discovered that I
can deal the difficulties and challenges that await me in the
new country very good. So I have learned the language within a
short time and I was quickly integrated into society.

  • can deal with
  • new country very well

Presently I am studying Economics at my fifth semester. I am
especially interested in the areas like Marketing, Management
and Entrepreneurship.

  • in my fifth semester (study at XXX University)
  • especially interested in fields (or areas, very uncommon choice of words)

In my last semester I had the chance enroll in the subject
E-commerce, which coined my personality and my interests.

  • chance to enroll
  • in the subject of E-commerce

and my four fellow students worked together with Adidas. Our
job was to think up a marketing campaign for the future
Paralympics and spread the idea with viral marketing.

  • by or through viral marketing

We have

completed the task very well, we also won the competition
among the other 15 teams in the university and we were invited
to the head quarters of Adidas, where two of us were able to
present our work and our campaign.

  • We completed the task very well (time)
    I hope you re able to present … you were allowed to or had the possibilty to …

I enjoyed this great time

and I have learned to share different tasks with my partners.

  • I learned (abgeschlossene Vergangenheit)

Besides of studying I was an active member of the world’s
largest international student organization, AIESEC. I have
worked for the Incoming-Exchange-Team. My main task was to
supervise foreign interns who completed an internship in
Nuremberg. I organized internships, contacted companies, did
the bureaucratic work, searched suitable housing and planed
the cultural program during the stay.

  • planned (not planed, that would refer to a Flugzeug)

I not only learned much English over this time period by
speaking with international students but I got to know young
people and their cultures from different countries and
continents. It made very much fun to work with them.

Not only did I learn … a lot of English (much English is not appropiate)

  • during this time (time and period is doubled)
  • Thinks dont make fun, It was funny or I had a lot of fun.

For over two years I am an entrepreneur. I run successfully an
online shop with hairpieces.

For over two years I ve been an entrepreneuer (For forces this time)
I successfully run

This work enabled me to deepen and to expand all the knowledge
acquired in the university. My major tasks are to determine
the assortment, to inspect the goods receipt, to place the
goods in the shop and to care about the customers.

  • work is not Arbeit. Doing this work or better Working there. The word youre looking for is: This job.

With it I have discovered such abilities as extraordinary
economic understanding and high durability.

  • Through it. You discover with binoculars.
  • such abilities as … no, such requires more. Abilities like … is more appropriate

Sometimes I have

worked seven days a week and up to 15 hours a day and that
does not bother me, because I run my business with great
passion and devotion. By my work I have managed to understand
the relationship between practice and theory from economics
pretty well.

Sometimes I work (wenn andauernd) oder sometimes I worked

  • that does not / id not (same times as work)
  • By my work ? I guess you mean Through my work. Stand by me. Or: By doing so (requires -ing)
  • the relationshipp between A and B in economics

Even before the beginning of my study I dreamed of living and
studying a certain period of time abroad because I wanted not
only to get economical qualification but also interpersonal
skills.

  • studies
  • I had dreamed of
  • correct period of time (nicht wie oben time period)
  • I did not only want to …
  • to get qualified in economics … you dont „get qualification“ you „get qualified“ or you achieve a qualifation
  • same goes for skills

Due to my interests in the English literature and the

Anglo-Saxon lifestyle, particularly the multicultural society,
Australia with its history and the current situation meets all
of these demands.

  • particularly in the multicultural …
  • all of these … if you count back and there are just two, let all aside

Trying to find a university, where I can deepen my economical
knowledge and could take similar subjects as at the
++±University, I found the +++ University – a highly esteemed
University, which offers all the relevant courses of my future
study like strategic management, market research and analysis
and managing projects.

  • an university, in which …
  • to engross … mal zur Abwechslung, passt auch besser zu knowledge
  • and can take (where I can … and could …, beides Indikativ oder beides Konjunktiv, sonst wirkt das zweite wie ein frommer Wunsch)
  • appreciate ist üblicher als esteem
  • offers … for my future studies (für Universitätsstudium)
  • as well as analysis and maging projects (and A and B sound ugly)

At the +++ University, I would like to build an extensive
network, which provides me with new and interesting
friendships with national and international students.

  • to build up! You build houses, and networks only in terms of hardware
  • which provides me with new … das klingt nicht, denk nochmal drüber nach.

Lastly I would like to say, that I am highly motivated to
engage myself and to study at the +++ University, to live in
Queensland and to get to know the Australian people.

  • ok

Therefore I would be very proud and happy to be a
representative of my university at your prestigious
University.

  • ok

Yours sincerely,

  • ok

Grüße

Cfg

ps

I have
worked for the Incoming-Exchange-Team. My main task was to
supervise foreign interns who completed an internship in
Nuremberg.

  • I worked or I had worked is the appropriate time, if the job is finished.

practice and theory

  • theory and praxis is the usual term

Wer Rechtschreibfehler findet, darf sie behalten (wie Thinks statt Things) Der UP sollte meine Schreibweisen, auf die es mir offensichtlich nicht genau ankam (maging statt managing usf), eh nochmal nachschlagen. Eine Bewerbung dürfte wichtig genug sein.

Grüße

Cfg

  • theory and praxis is the usual term

In which country?

Hallo Anna,
bitte melde sich noch mal, wenn es noch nicht zu spät ist. Die hier vorgeschlagene Verbesserung ist stark verbesserungsbedürftig.

Jo

Hi,

in den physikalischen Publikationen, die ich lese. Ich sortiere sie aber nicht nach Ländern, wäre mal interessant.

Grüße

Cfg

Hallo JoCor,

interessanter Stil: Du schreibst hier, dass du eine pm willst, weil ich deiner Meinung nach Mist verzapfe. Ich lasse mich ja kritisieren, aber

Jemand mit mehr Fingerspitzengefühl schickt beides per pm oder beides public, und schreibt nicht public „Das ist Mist, ich weiß es besser, aber die Lösung gibts nur per pm“.

Diese Nachricht gibt es zB nur public.

Grüße

Cfg

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…dass Lesen nicht so deins ist, erklärt manches.
Zeigst du mir dann bei Gelegenheit mal, wo ich was von einer PN geschrieben hätte?
So viel zum Stil.

Jo

Also hast du vor, gar nicht zu antworten, sondern wolltest nur mal so richtig schön rumstänkern?

Verschafft dir das Befriedigung? Wenn die netten Mädchen giggelnd unter deinem Fenster durchlaufen, verspürst du dann einen gewissen Drang? Reichen dir vielleicht Internetforen irgendwann nicht mehr, wirst du mutiger, ziehst dir nen Parka über das Gesicht und zündest nachts Autos an?

Was ist der nächste Schritt?

…wenn deine Phobien sich häufen, wende dich an Fachleute.

Woraus bitte ziehst du deine unzutrreffenden Schlüsse???
Nochmal für Begriffsstuzige: Wenn die UP sich hier oder im, besser passenden, Fremdsprachen-Brett noch mal meldet (sie also nicht den Brief bereits abgeschickt hat), kann geholfen werden.
WAS ist daran so entsetzlich, dass man darüber einen cholerisch-paranoischen Anfall kriegen muss?

1 Like

[MOD] Ab hier geschlossen, da off-topic
owT